HAPPY NEW YEAR! Even though I’m writing this two days before the proverbial new year is here, I still feel a little bit of the refreshment and excitment that comes with trying to remember to write “2009″ on anything that needs dating. Personally, I’m terrible at coming up with New Year’s Resolutions (keeping them, actually), so I’m just going to relate them to the Alamo and welcome you to share each and every resolution. Resolution #1: I’m going to drink as many white russians as the waitstaff will serve me during the only two screenings of THE BIG LEBOWSKI. Resolution #2: I’m going to expand my knowledge of Japanese pop-culture by watching what promises to be an absolutely mind-blowing SUPER HAPPY FUN MONKEY BASH 2009. Resolution #3: I’m going to stand in front of the mirror and practice my best Britney and Christina lip-syncing and dance moves to get ready for the POP PRINCESS SING-ALONG. Resolution #4: I’m going to patiently wait for a whole week to finally see THE WRESTLER so that the next time somebody says “Oh my GOD that is the best movie I’ve ever seen!” I can finally say “I KNOW!” instead of “SHUT UP I HAVEN’T SEEN IT YET!” Well, those resolutions should at least get me through the week. Damn, this is gonna be a long list…

:: FEATURED EVENTS AT THE ALAMO RITZ ::

- THE BIG LEBOWSKI with WHITE RUSSIANS -
: Alamo Ritz : Friday, Jan 2 : Saturday, Jan 3 :

The Coen Brothers have described THE BIG LEBOWSKI as their Raymond Chandler story, and it contains all the trappings of the author’s hardboiled mystery novels, including the alcohol. Secondly, as a bowling-themed comedy, liquor is a given. Finally and most importantly, THE BIG LEBOWSKI is the ultimate movie for White Russian fans. The Dude fuels his detective work with numerous helpings the sweet drink, which he often refers to as “Caucasians.” As long as there is ‘half and half’ dripping from his mustache, the Dude abides. (Booze Movies)

- Big Screen Classics: ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK -
: Alamo Ritz : Sat, Jan 3 : Sun, Jan 4 : Mon, Jan 5 : Wed, Jan 7 :

Rare 35mm Print!! Snake Plissken is the ULTIMATE Sci-Fi Badass. Why? Because he’s played by ultimate real life Badass Kurt Russell, who was at the height of his effortlessly steely machismo when he teamed with ultimate filmmaking Badass John Carpenter for the first (and many say greatest) of several flawless collaborations. So if you love BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA and THE THING – and you sure as hell do – this is the unshaven, post-apocalyptic blowtorcher that started it all!

- SUPER HAPPY FUN MONKEY BASH 2009! -
: Alamo Ritz : Saturday, Jan 3 :

Each year around this time, we roll out a new volume of Super Happy Fun Monkey Bash, a 90 minute compilation of mind-boggling insanity from Japanese television. You’ll see A-list American celebrities pimping themselves out for cheap Japanese products, bawdy situation comedies, extreme pro-wrestling, bizarre anti-flatulence products, nonsensical English phrases, supreme goofiness, and lots and lots of foam rubber costumes! Check out our YouTube Channel for teaser clips from this year’s show as well as trailers from current and past Monkey Bash shows!

- TRINIDAD with Sabrina Marcus LIVE -
: Alamo Ritz : Sunday, Jan 4 :

The film chronicles Trinidad, Colorado’s transformation from Wild West outpost and “Victorian Jewel of Southern Colorado” to “Sex Change Capital of the World,” and follows three transgender women who may just steer the rural ranching town (pop. 9,077) toward becoming the “transsexual mecca.” We are delighted to have cast member Sabrina Marcus live in person for this screening! Sabrina founded the transgender-focused Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta and is an active member in the International Foundation for Gender Education and the National Center for Transgender Equality.

- Girlie Night: MEAN GIRLS -
: Alamo Ritz : Tuesday, Jan 6 :

Before Tina Fey was officially declared The Smartest Woman on Television, she proved that she was one of the smartest women in celluloid when she wrote MEAN GIRLS. Taking the high school misfit genre one notch higher, MEAN GIRLS was based on the book QUEEN BEES AND WANNABEES, and the world of teenage girldom has never been the same. Here, the Plastics are the most popular girls in school. They wrote the rule book on Girl World, like always wearing pink on Tuesdays. And they’re mean. As usual on Girlie Night, we will have special MEAN GIRL cocktails available at this show!

- Terror Tuesday: HOWLING 2 with SYBIL DANNING LIVE! -
: Alamo Ritz : Tuesday, Jan 6 :

There is NO BETTER MOVIE IN THE GODDAMN WORLD to kick off Terror Tuesdays than this ferocious assault on the human skull, and no better guest to experience it with than The Queen of the Werewolves herself: horror/exploitation film legend SYBIL DANNING! The last time we played HOWLING II, the audience had so much fun that the governor’s mansion got set on fire! Now, with the ultimate wolfwoman loose in the theater, it’ll most certainly mean the total extinction of all life on this planet. Special thanks to Reb Hibbert.

- Weird Wednesday: CHAINED HEAT with SYBIL DANNING LIVE! -
: Alamo Ritz : Wednesday, Jan 7 :

By focusing their combined sexual repressions from their respective adolescences, true hero of the Alamo Reb Hibbert and Alamo programmer Zack Carlson managed to convince revered ’80s exploitation sexbomb Sybil Danning that it was a good idea to sit in a dark theater full of her most lonely, potentially obsessed fans to watch her goddess-esque roles in some truly classic drive-in films. CHAINED HEAT is pure women-in-prison exploitation with all the catfights, steamy shower scenes and deviant sexuality you can handle. Maybe more!

- 24: SEASON 7 PREMIERE! -
: Alamo Ritz : Wednesday, Jan 7 :

Austin Voices and Fox 7 are giving us a chance to see the much anticipated two-hour premiere of 24 (Season 7) before it airs! That pesky writer’s strike has deprived us all for too long- Jack Bauer is back and on the big screen at the Ritz!

- ELVIS PRESLEY’S BIRTHDAY SING-ALONG -
: Alamo Ritz : Thursday, Jan 8 :

We put together a night to celebrate the King himself, the man who started it all by stealing black music and making it accessible to a racist world market long before the New Kids on the Block ever dreamt of stealing the New Edition method. We owe Elvis Presley so much, and for so much more than just his music. He’s influenced every single person who was born after him with his music, his legend, and his god damned amazing house, Graceland. How fantastic is that place? People don’t just sing like Elvis, or sing about Elvis, they sing about his house! That’s awesome.

- The POP PRINCESS SING-ALONG -
: Alamo Ritz : Thursday, Jan 8 :

The Boy Band Sing-Alongs have always been rousing successes and great fun for everybody, but every time we put NSYNC and Backstreet up on the screen I couldn’t help but feel guilty. What about the ladies? Sure, we’ve done the Ladies of the 80s show, but how do you fit the Spice Girls into that? You can’t. And so this January we’re putting together our very first POP PRINCESS SING-ALONG, focusing heavily on the princesses of the 90s, including the aforementioned Spice Girls, Britney, Christina, and more!

- THE WRESTLER -
: Alamo Ritz : Thursday, Jan 8 at MIDNIGHT :

This may be the first time we’ve ever seen the toughest critics and fans unanimously deem a new film perfect. With his battle scars and failing heart, retired professional wrestler Randy “The Ram” Robinson (Mickey Rourke) jumps back into the squared circle to prove to himself that he’s more than just a used-up piece of meat. A simple premise, but apparently Rourke’s performance and the script are so strong, compelling and real that audiences across the world are going haywire, calling this the best film in the critically acclaimed director’s entire career.

We’re teaming up with The Texas Wrestling Federation to bring you ACTUAL LIVE PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING preceding the Thursday, Jan 8 midnight opening of THE WRESTLER! For the price of your ticket, you’ll have a seat for Austin’s premiere screening of this flawless cinematic suplex, PLUS you’ll have a top-notch seat for an exclusive pre-screening, full-scale, white-knuckle WRESTLING EVENT to take place nearby, where REAL LIVE PRO WRESTLERS will be having a no-holds-barred BRAWL for your entertainment! This is clearly the only way to experience the greatest thing to happen to wrestling since the Hulkster slammed Andre the Giant!

:: FEATURED EVENTS AT THE ALAMO SOUTH LAMAR ::

- THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON -
: Alamo South Lamar : Now Playing :

David Fincher and Brad Pitt team up for a third time with this adaptation of a F. Scott Fitzgerald short story. Pitt plays a man who is born 80 years old, but instead of aging, he grows young. Oscar winner Cate Blanchett costars, along with Taraji P. Henson and Tilda Swinton. “The film represents a richly satisfying serving of deep-dish Hollywood storytelling. This odd, epic tale of a man who ages backwards is presented in an impeccable classical manner, every detail tended to with fastidious devotion.” – Todd McCarthy, Variety

- BEDTIME STORIES -
: Alamo South Lamar : Now Playing :

Adam Sandler stars as a man whose nighttime tales do more than just put his nephew to sleep; instead, his imaginative stories become reality. This fantasy comedy for the whole family is directed by HAIRSPRAY helmer Adam Shankman.

- THE SPIRIT -
: Alamo South Lamar : Now Playing :

Down these mean streets a man must come. A hero born, murdered, and born again… Rookie cop Denny Colt returns from the beyond as The Spirit, a hero whose mission is to fight against the bad forces in Central City. Based on the graphic novel by Frank Miller (creator of 300 and Sin City) and starring Samuel L. Jackson as “The Octopus,” Eve Mendes as “Sand Seref,” and Scarlett Johansson as “Silken Floss.”

- DOUBT -
: Alamo South Lamar : Now Playing :

Set in 1964, Doubt centers on a nun who confronts a priest after suspecting him abusing a black student. He denies the charges, and much of the play’s quick-fire dialogue tackles themes of religion, morality and authority. Starring Meryl Streep, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams.

:: FEATURED EVENTS AT THE ALAMO VILLAGE ::

- TV at the Alamo: GOSSIP GIRL -
: Alamo Village : Monday, Jan 5 :

There’s nothing I hate more in the television world than the dreaded FALL HIATUS! It’s far worse than a season ending because there is absolutely no closure and you’re totally lost for like, three or four weeks wondering WHAT is going to happen. Well thankfully, fall hiatus is coming to an end and GOSSIP GIRL is back on! Finally we’ll figure out where Chuck went, why everyone’s freaking out about Lily’s abortion a bazillion years ago, and what the hell Serena is doing with Aaron in South America. You know you love it. XOXO.

- MARLEY AND ME -
: Alamo Village : Now Playing :

John Grogan’s bestselling book about his Labrador retriever bounds onto the screen with MARLEY AND ME. Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston star as a couple who adopts the badly behaved but much-loved dog.

- VALKYRIE -
: Alamo Village : Now Playing :

Just in time for Christmas comes the most anticipated, heartwarming film ever made about the attempted assassination of Adolf Hitler! Helmed by the mighty Bryan Singer (USUAL SUSPECTS, X-MEN, SUPERMAN RETURNS) and starring Tom Cruise with an even mightier eye-patch, this true tale of treason and revenge is destined for acclaim-town. Best part- no fake German accents.

Christmas is over, and we sure hope you got everything you wanted. If you didn’t, don’t worry your pretty lil’ heads about it because we still have a million things going on that will make you just as happy as finding that Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle behind that desk (okay, so I may have gotten sucked in to the Christmas Story marathon for a solid 6 hours… or more). For starters, we still have all the HIGH FOR THE HOLIDAYS shows in full swing, and (if you read this in the next hour or so) we’re showing A CHRISTMAS STORY one last time with a ROAST DUCK & MORE FEAST! Lastly, New Year’s Eve is in a few days. New Year’s plans are the hardest to make for me, so we’ve narrowed down your options…

:: FEATURED EVENTS AT THE ALAMO RITZ ::

- A CHRISTMAS STORY: Roast Duck N’ More Feast! -
: Alamo Ritz : Sunday, Dec 28 :

Think about the double dog dare, the Chinese caroling, the Red Ryder bb gun, those creepy elves and of course that “fra-jee-lay” Italian imported leg lamp. There is more timeless iconography packed into this perfect little gem than any other Christmas film since the birth of Jesus. Included with your ticket is a multi-course meal themed to A CHRISTMAS STORY, including mashed potatoes and Chinese roast duck. The mashed potato course will be served exactly when it hits the table for Ralphy, and we encourage each and every one of you to snort along and enjoy your plate just like the piggy does. See the menu HERE.

- High for the Holidays: POOTIE TANG -
: Alamo Ritz : Sunday, Dec 28 : Monday, Dec 29 :

This Holiday season, come together at the Ritz to celebrate Pootie by indulging in an ice-cold Pootie’s Malt Liquor or to kapa-chow down on a mouth-watering, fast-foodified Pootie’s Bad-Time Burger while watching Pootie sine pitties all over the Alamo screen. Louis C.K.’s cult classic put back where it should be…in theaters! Merry Christmas to all you tine Tanies! Sah dah tay!

- High For The Holidays / Music Monday: WONDERWALL -
: Alamo Ritz : Monday, Dec 29 :
The head-tripping surreal madness of Joe Massot’s WONDERWALL tells the tale of an eccentric scientist (Jack MacGowran) who stumbles upon a secret window into the sex life of gorgeous nymph (and longtime Serge Gainsbourg muse) Jane Birkin. Overflowing with psychedelic flashbacks, dream sequences and plenty of free love, the classic film features a shimmering, sitar-laced instrumental soundtrack by former Beatle George Harrison. An outrageous journey back to the Age of Altered Consciousness. Get to the theater early for a Jane Birkin/Serge Gainsbourg Preshow!

- High For The Holidays: DARKSIDE OF THE RAINBOW -
: Alamo Ritz : Tuesday, Dec 30 :

Did Pink Floyd intend to synch up the Dark Side of the Moon with the classic the WIZARD OF OZ? Some say VCRs were $10000 at that time and it would be impossible to synch a phonograph to the film, change sides on the album and keep synch. Regardless, come to the Alamo, get properly stimulated and maybe bring some earplugs, because when the tin man’s heart is thumping to the heartbeats in Eclipse (track 9), we’d like you to feel it in your chest as well.

- High For The Holidays: BEERFEST with BEERLYMPICS! -
: Alamo Ritz : Tuesday, Dec 30 :

How did this film become an Alamo holiday tradition? When brothers Todd and Jan Wolfhouse travel to Germany to spread their grandfather’s ashes at Oktoberfest, they stumble upon a centuries old underground beer games competition — “Beerfest,” the secret Olympics of beer drinking. To be honest, we can never really remember the ending because we’re always trying to keep up with the drinking onscreen. We’re starting this show with live Beerlympics, featuring Beer Pong and great food and beer specials!

- AFTER THE THIN MAN New Year’s Eve Party! -
: Alamo Ritz : Wednesday, Dec 31 :

The response to our first Cinema Cocktails screenings of the classic screwball romantic mystery THE THIN MAN was so great that we just knew we had to return to the wonderful chemistry of Nick and Nora Charles, their adorable dog Asta, their crime-solving savvy and, maybe best of all, their love of distilled spirits. In addition to the film itself, we’ll be serving a multi-course feast, enjoying a champagne toast after a countdown to midnight that could only be done by the Alamo, and more!

- THE BIG LEBOWSKI with WHITE RUSSIANS -
: Alamo Ritz : Thursday, Jan 1 :

The Coen Brothers have described THE BIG LEBOWSKI as their Raymond Chandler story, and it contains all the trappings of the author’s hardboiled mystery novels, including the alcohol. Secondly, as a bowling-themed comedy, liquor is a given. Finally and most importantly, THE BIG LEBOWSKI is the ultimate movie for White Russian fans. The Dude fuels his detective work with numerous helpings the sweet drink, which he often refers to as “Caucasians.” As long as there is ‘half and half’ dripping from his mustache, the Dude abides. (Booze Movies)

:: FEATURED EVENTS AT THE ALAMO SOUTH LAMAR ::

- THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON -
: Alamo South Lamar : Now Playing :

David Fincher and Brad Pitt team up for a third time with this adaptation of a F. Scott Fitzgerald short story. Pitt plays a man who is born 80 years old, but instead of aging, he grows young. Oscar winner Cate Blanchett costars, along with Taraji P. Henson and Tilda Swinton. “The film represents a richly satisfying serving of deep-dish Hollywood storytelling. This odd, epic tale of a man who ages backwards is presented in an impeccable classical manner, every detail tended to with fastidious devotion.” – Todd McCarthy, Variety

- BEDTIME STORIES -
: Alamo South Lamar : Now Playing :

Adam Sandler stars as a man whose nighttime tales do more than just put his nephew to sleep; instead, his imaginative stories become reality. This fantasy comedy for the whole family is directed by HAIRSPRAY helmer Adam Shankman.

- THE SPIRIT -
: Alamo South Lamar : Now Playing :

Down these mean streets a man must come. A hero born, murdered, and born again… Rookie cop Denny Colt returns from the beyond as The Spirit, a hero whose mission is to fight against the bad forces in Central City. Based on the graphic novel by Frank Miller (creator of 300 and Sin City) and starring Samuel L. Jackson as “The Octopus,” Eve Mendes as “Sand Seref,” and Scarlett Johansson as “Silken Floss.”

- DOUBT -
: Alamo South Lamar : Now Playing :

Set in 1964, Doubt centers on a nun who confronts a priest after suspecting him abusing a black student. He denies the charges, and much of the play’s quick-fire dialogue tackles themes of religion, morality and authority. Starring Meryl Streep, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams.

:: FEATURED EVENTS AT THE ALAMO VILLAGE ::

- YES MAN -
: Alamo Village : Now Playing :

This film marks the triumphant return of Jim Carrey to comedy! With Peyton Reed (MR. SHOW, UCB) in the director’s chair, YES MAN guarantees to be brilliantly sharp, with just enough drops of nonsense to make it fun for laughers of all thresholds. Oh, and if you’re one of the approximately 80 million people who currently has a total crush on Zooey Deschanel, she’s in the film too.

- MARLEY AND ME -
: Alamo Village : Now Playing :

John Grogan’s bestselling book about his Labrador retriever bounds onto the screen with MARLEY AND ME. Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston star as a couple who adopts the badly behaved but much-loved dog.

- VALKYRIE -
: Alamo Village : Now Playing :

Just in time for Christmas comes the most anticipated, heartwarming film ever made about the attempted assassination of Adolf Hitler! Helmed by the mighty Bryan Singer (USUAL SUSPECTS, X-MEN, SUPERMAN RETURNS) and starring Tom Cruise with an even mightier eye-patch, this true tale of treason and revenge is destined for acclaim-town. Best part- no fake German accents.